hi
it is weird i have been feeling like some of my most precious ideas are starting to dissipate from memory and that the things
that i hold dear in my mind will slowly and inconspicously disappear. for instance i have this little character that i created that i have kept with me for a long time he is the closest thing i keep in my mind and i feel that because of all this school stuff and structure which is something i am not very accustomed to is starting to take over my creativity and turn me into a drooling automaton like the rest of these "conceptual artists" who speak and do nothing, so today i was drawing and i found that i was using rational thought to draw a character i had produced out of the chaos of my conscience and he looked as if he'd been abused, like he had been in some sort of a knife fight. upon realizing what i had done i profusely apologized (now i know this sounds a smig stabish) to him, but it was more to myself for unconciously letting myself go and then i wrote these words (yes i know i am alittle off so let me be) "no matter what do not give in to the structure, keep who you are, never lose who you are." i felt a bit sad that i had done this, trust me melodrama is not my forte, you know it is almost like a waking from a dream and reality limbs over and smacks you across your face with his uncircumcised member! in my opinion it is very similar to a person who becomes jaded, but not in the petty way i think that you can jade yourself with the things that are supposed to be good and that is just the fucked up part! we do the things that are expected of us and we fall into the same traps like others before us have, you have to remember what the real important things in life are not my career, house, car, mobile,big flat screen tv with a mutitude of channels! nuf said.