well to start the crisis with the drain has been averted i don't know what it was but it kept me plugged for a week.but on another note i ave finally gotten away from the toils of the city went out to the countryside and saw some beautiful sights. went to see the swallows in my home town and even though it wasn't as abundant as usual it was more than enough(in case you have no idea what i am talking about; there is a place in my town near the water that if you go there near migration time the swallows will be there, making their nest for the season in the side of a cliff. so the spectacle you will see is hundreds of swallows dancing in the air, swooping down to their respectively chosen spots and clawing little holes into the side of the cliff) it was simply beautiful. then after that went up to another area i used to live in the woods and walked around and arrived at the perfect time to see the sunset on the water, that never gets tiring for me. after that went to a little removed town and spent the latter part of the trip there doing canoeing and other similar nature things. then back to work for a couple of days and then back out again to see family and hang out at my friends parents house in the country and a little bit of camping to boot(on top of this hill where you could see for miles, right to the waters edge, like seeing the sea or ocean from uptop a mountain, but this was no mountain mind you. just nothing but relaxation and fun did some sculpting and thinking. my head is much clearer than before i think i can finally get back into the groove of things.

so though school is out i still have this lingering feeling of being run down, i am counting the days til i am able to take a few days off no just few actually like a week just to clear my mind, been working on the art show stuff and it is turning out good i am confident i will do a good job. the ideas are starting to flow but once i get that little bit of time to clean out myself i think it will go much quicker, hopefully it will be well received if not oh well i am not goingt to let it bother me the ideas i think are good and if they aren't understood then that is that. it won't stop me from continuing to do what i am doing. i have this clog in my sink and i can seem to fix it, i can even do my dishes which is bothering me quite a bit. i ripped out the piping and cleaned it out, god the stuff that came out! screws and something looking similar to a dead rodent, crunch too! and yet still despite the fact that i removed all this stuff it is still fucking clogged! i know this is mundane but it is really bothering me. funny how little things get on ones nerves. i know it is boring and i know people are coming here to see how i am doing in general, this is as close as i can get right now. once everything is cleared away in my mind and my sink drain then it will get more interesting. hee hee.

i've had a hell of a time recently. running around with no money or time and encountering crazy situations. how is it i am always the one who has all the bad luck! i thought bad luck comes to those who are bad, now i know i am no saint but still why the hell do i have to be the one who always goes through the shittiest times, i live my life in a kind and caring way but yet still life finds a way to throw everything in it into upheavel, everything whirls around and i get dizzy. when is it going to go my way?, and another question is will i notice it when it happens?, hopefully someone will tell me when it comes. til then i guess i will wait.

ahhhhh it is spring, the flowers are coming out and i personally can't wait for the lilacs to show up,(hey it is the only flower i can actually smell, the first and only one, you people told me the smelled great but i had no idea!, my sense of smell is so fucked up) and the best part about spring this time is that it is on fucking time too!! today i enjoyed a nice spring rain, a favorite past time of mine. what can i say spring just puts me in a great mood, and to top the whole thing off school is almost over!.alot of you fuckers thought i was stark raving mad to attempt to work full-time, and go to school full-time, well guess what? fuck you! i fucking made it with my sanity somewhat intact. i passed all my courses, and met lots of people, some cool, some really fucking annoying, but that is how it goes can't have one without the other. and very recently i was chosen for this production manager thing for this installation project, i went fucking crazy working on it we made this audio box that ended up weighing 550-600lbs, and the best part we couldn't find a way to get it to the friggin show by any normal transportation, so we did the next best thing. now first unless you live in toronto you won't understand, but we pushed this thing on a couple of dollies from cabbagetown to the AGO, which is approximately 24 city blocks! it was an adventure, me and four other people lugged that shit box at 3 in the morning, half drunk, that way we didn't notice the pain we were most definitely in.pictures we come soon. somehow i survived all of this. let see how much longer i last.

here is a sculpture i made recently, i never know what is going to come out.i hope to make a cast of this and put some colour on this guy with mercury eyes, i know it is cliche but for some reason it feels like it would click.

i am really confused right now.it is so weird, usually i am the most calm and collected person i know, but very recently i have been tongue tied. i keep second guessing myself and others. i don't know where i should direct my attention. i hate it when i get indecisive. it isn't my style. i always know what i want!!!! but right now...........i have no fucking idea, fuck i hate this. school is almost over, my house is going to be empty for two months with nothing but me to inhabit it which is fine, gives me time to work on artwork for the art show. i had other plans but oh well. and when i thought i knew what i wanted it changed(sorry for the dissembled sentence)my mind is all over the place i will get better soon.

well the mini putt was quite fun and after that, went to a comedy film fest, pretty funny, there was this one about a zombie trying to adjust to daily life amongst the living, and then there was the new creature comforts by aardman films, that was hilarious. lots of fun all in all. feeling much better, little more life in me. almost done school and can't wait for it to be over. once done i am going to finally focus on this art show for the summer, it will feature a bunch of my sculptures. but i won't reveal all the secrets. you will have to wait and see.

well i made it! another week of turmoil done and over with. feeling much better now, too much caffeine though got the jitters this morning and couldn't control myself,being all shaky was weird that never happened before. essay is done and handed in and all priority work done for the time being, it be relaxing time for moi. going mini fucking putting this weekend i am so psyched about that....yeah i know i am a nerd. but it is glow in the dark after all.that rules!!!

i just had one of the stressful times in the past year. last night i was up all night working on an essay for school, a 1500 word essay and when i was finished at about 730 i the morning the computer decides to freeze up on me and cause me to almost burst into tears cause there was a very definite possibility that i lost my entire essay, but crisis averted! the file is safe and sound. being sleep deprived and all around kooky can make you really fragile.

not very lucky right now

well i now have alittle time to say some..uh stuff. i have been extremely busy with mid-terms and essays and all that other crap projects, projects, projects,my god stab me in the eyes! what is going on? i just recently found out that the work load of my university is larger than that of u of t for a masters in psychoanalism!(my friend is in that program) i really hope they start to easy off alittle and click in that other universities don't subject their students to this type of intense labour. anyways enough about that went to this really nifty workshop at my school for sculpture and had a pretty good time, there was a tour and then a sculpting session, that was fun, they gave us free supplies to work with. it has been a while that i have done any sculpture and i always feel so invigorated when i do it. i just let go and let whatever comes into my noggin out and into the clay. today i made a face with an explody head, my teacher was really surprised and said that he rarely encounters students who have any knowledge of sculpture and with more than proficient skill. i was really flattered when he mentioned this, i don't get many compliments on my work. mainly cause i am such a shut in lately. i also made this cool looking rabbit during my time spent in the waiting room of the walk-in clinic. here is a few pics of it.sorry if it is blurry. it was recently brought to my attention that a fellow blogger(hopefully no more than one) thinks i am an egg carrying being? i am not.

"I'm brain dead from life at the moment"

christmas day:
up late hanging out with my friends and debating inexhaustable topics, fun. one of those times that it is very fun and relieving to have the friends that i do. everyone is asleep waitng to awaken and ransack the tree to find what surprises lurk in the many folds of paper and ribbons that adorn the cardboard capsules, to tell the truth i am a little excited for the morning, it always summons nostalgic memories of fantasies from my childhood, imagining that this obese fire hazard of an old man decked out in a red suit with fluffy white bondage wrapping around his abdominal region, an area in which you aren't sure if it is a result of gluttonous, glandular, intoxication or a simple case of legendary mandatory robustuous dispositions. ligthly sprinkled with soot and chard wood bits, he enters and indulges in his nocturnal habits of cookies, milk, and the taking advantage of the rudimentary laws of some such misletoes(which a certain song has insinuated)with the lady of the house, and after being satiated he will deposit these gifts underneath a brightly decorated(optional) pine with little blinking lights. so once payment is made for hospitable accomodations with food, drink and tail, he scurries back up the shaft and scoots off on a aerial toboggan powered by a supernatural form of caribou and continue onto the next restfully sleeping household to enjoy more food, drink and wife. so we wake and find a horde of compensation, the little children are exasperatingly rambuncious while tearing these parcels to shreds, while the mother is overly content and even up much earlier than usual!? ahhh christmas, may it be merry and as surpising as we can make it and i don't know about you but the whole story about this present distributing prowler and sexual deviant, but it must have been thought up by a very imaginable homunculi. hopefully or we are more screwed up than we may have believed.

so recently i have been thinking about this idea i had one day about jesus during his resurrection, and i am quite sure any religious fanatics will scald me, but good. but anyways one day i was sitting at my work doing things involving worky, and then this strange question popped into my nogging "during jesus' resurrection would he have been considered a zombie?"
i mean he was technically dead and he was reanimated and he did not heal (hence the showing of the nail holes to his disciples)and i don't know about you but that would make for a real cool movie series from the night of the living jesus, to the return of, dawn, and day of the jesus. talk about the infinite gross accumulated from merchandising alone! why hasn't anyone else thought of this? is it too touchy and issue? why should it be? i think that jesus has passed his intended shelf life. his time is gone and over and yet still people continue to go on with the same ramble, believing jesus has become such a long shot, it borderlines believe in jesus or ....believe in the leprechaun guy from the lucky charms cereal! television is worshipped more than god nowadays people spend more time indulging in placebo brain stimulation than in the "creator of the universe"ppft.my employer is a "devoted christian" but i think his faith is balancing precariously uptop. oh and here is a lovely story and i tell you this is not a lie or joke. he had this minister, who had been a faithful servant of the lord for 40 or so years, and one day he went into the hospital to have a check up so the examination ensued and at a point during they were doing a tissue sample(i can't imagine what brought on the idea but) in which they needed from an area below the equator and they accidentally pearced his testicle sack and with some bad luck a virus had gotten in and killed the poor bastard. he was dead within a day.so my boss comes to work all sad looking and then i ask what was the matter?
and he told me the whole story, after words i sat there quiet trying to hold in the laughter(i have almost no sympathy sorry) so what i finally said was this " wow, the lord works in mysterious ways." we both laughter a good while after and continue to laugh to this very day which brings up a good question if you were a devoted christian wouldn't you be a little puzzled if god had decided to have you die because of your testicles?me, i would be plain pissed. aw i am so going to hell. no, really i am, they have a managment positon waiting.

finally this week of stress is almost over and i can relax, i am quite sure that the four whole days off that i am having for the holidays is well deserved, but.... i do have an essay to write during that time, oh well you can't pick and choose.
why is it and hopefully there are others out there who have relations similar, why is it that no matter what i do i am always looked at like some lazy ass who doesn't lift a finger? i mean all i have been getting from people lately is that i am not doing enough fucking work or chores or productive things, i have just finished my first semester of full time university while working full time at my place of employment and doing as much home related stuff as possible and now that i am off all people have to say is "why aren't you doing more?!" i thought i would be allowed to fucking rest once in a fucking while.
i haven't had a day off for almost four months going non stop with school, work, homework and housework and commuting for half an hour to an hour between all of them! now i know i shouldn't complain, but fuck, when is it that i am able to rest!
i am worn out and no one has anything else to say but why are you resting you should be working.
sorry for the rant, but i have been holding it in for a while and need an outlet.
if i keep in this constant state of activity there will be nothing left but a torpid old carcass waiting for the next crass order to be spewed forth. fuck sorry

well it is christmas and the rush begins. have most of my stuff taken care of and now i have to look in to the food for the dinner that we are going to have and also we are trying to have a czech christmas dinner, which was requested by this dinner nazi friend of mine the dinner consists of deep fried carp and potato salad...... yep that is it nothing else he said that it was a "peasant meal" which turns out is what is eaten quite often by the czechs, so often and yet they continue to refer to these meals in a separate social class and as far as i know a peasant meal is a czech meal so therefore czechs are.........peasants. hee hee man, the logic.

i have a beef there is this religious nut going around and flagging other peoples blogs because they are swearing in blogs.
i think that is completely wrong. for three reasons:
1. they are not directed at you in anyway, they don't know you and they don't care about your views on life, they live there lives the way they see fit hennce the free-will deal.
2. to condemn someone for their way of talking is ludicrous, self-expression is a luxury most people(including jesus) have enjoyed for a millenia.
3. if you don't like it don't look at it. unless your some kind of sado-masochist.(you are o so dirty)....
self expression should never be hinder just because we don't understand.

hi still here i have been super busy and running around.
i have been feeling pretty good, mainly because the semester is almost over and i can relax alittle.

hi
back again and still in the game working like crazy and trying to love it
forth nite with no sleep.... i complain too much. sleep,sleep, sleep.